The Bundesliga Christmas Wish List- What does each club want?

The Winterpause is upon us and the Christmas festivities can begin with people exchanging gifts and looking forward to the New Year. What presents do each of the eighteen Bundesliga clubs have on their Father Christmas wishlist? 

Bayer Leverkusen

The African Cup of Nations to be cancelled would be great for Leverkusen. The Hinrunde could not really have gone any better for the Werkself as they went unbeaten across all competitions and topped the table going into the Winterpause. They are however set to lose Odilon Kossounou, Edmond Tapsoba, Amine Adli, Victor Boniface and Nathan Tella in January. If not a cancellation, then a non-call up for the key men would be a close second choice.

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A Rückrunde Bayern Munich crisis would also be high up on the wish list. One that involves inexplicable losses to relegation fighters, Uli Hoeneß combusting in his executive seat, Lothar Matthaüs sticking the boot in, Thomas Tuchel losing his mind with the press and the return of the whole FC Hollywood.

Oh and maybe a big ‘look elsewhere’ sign to show Real Madrid when they come sniffing around Xabi Alonso to succeed Carlo Ancelotti. 

Bayern Munich

A return of Neverkusen/ Vizekusen would be a most welcome present in Bayern’s Christmas stocking. We all prefer a tight and competitive race for the Meisterschale, but the Rekordmeister themselves prefer a one-horse canter to the title. Some positive news in the contract negotiations with Alphonso Davies would also not be something to turn their noses up at should it come to pass. Oh and how about progress beyond the quarter-finals of the Champions League and a 50-goal season from Harry Kane. Greedy? 

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VfB Stuttgart

FIFA placing a transfer embargo on any club buying Serhou Guirassy would be top of the Swabians wish list. Also the secret formula to whatever Sebastian Hoeneß has created at the club turning them from relegation contenders to a top four powerhouse. If they start to fade in the Rückrunde, a new batch of the formula could be knocked up and given to the reinvigorated squad. 

RB Leipzig

Xavi Simons on a permanent contract would be a nice present, but it’s doubtful PSG are going to be that generous this Christmas. A solution to the Timo Werner conundrum would also be welcome. How do you solve a problem like Timo? A replacement for Emil Forsberg, an anti-ageing cream for Yussuf Poulsen and a return for Willi Orban. That will do for starters. Maybe a little less hatred? Okay, that’s asking too much.

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Borussia Dortmund

Forget world peace and harmony- just a bit of peace and harmony at the Signal Iduna Park would be a start. In-fighting between core players and the coach is not the ideal situation, but a reminder to many of how Christmas Day generally pans out in many families. 

The ultimate present would be the return of Jude Bellingham from Madrid, but Santa can’t perform miracles. A coherent tactical plan would be a most welcome advent gift, or a time machine to go back to the final day of last season and replay the Mainz game with the BVB players actually turning up.

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Eintracht Frankfurt

Forget expensive aftershaves and colognes such as Calvin Klein and Paco Rabanne, a bottle of consistency would be the number one gift wanted this Christmas by the Adler. One week they are thrashing champions Bayern Munich 5-1 and the next they are losing to Aberdeen and being tonked by Bayer Leverkusen. 

Making Sebastian Rode eight years younger would also be nice.  

Hoffenheim

A ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ mug please as the Sinsheim club are doing just fine thank you. No dramas needed in the New Year, just more of the same please.

Freiburg

With Urs Fischer gone at Union Berlin, Steffen Baumgart gone at Köln, a guarantee that Freiburg would never sack Christian Streich (or accept a resignation) would be a gift everyone would welcome. A sense of timing for Nicolas Höfler would be appreciated as the Breisgauer midfielder’s tackles have earned him a league high five yellow cards and one red this season. (If there was a Bundesliga Scrooge lookalike contest, would Christian Streich have any competition?)

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Heidenheim

An end to the Bundesliga now would suit Heidenheim just fine. Sitting pretty in 9th place, well clear of the relegation fight (Darmstadt looking on with jealousy) Frank Schmidt’s side would dearly love to have the season ended with them in the top half of the table and a second-ever Bundesliga campaign to look forward to. 

VfL Wolfsburg

Some old school, vintage would be nice: 

  • Grafite
  • Edin Dzeko
  • Diego
  • Zvejezdan Misimovic
  • Makoto Hasebe

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Augsburg

“Can we have Mergim Berisha back please and can Finn Dahmen maybe face a few less shots on goal? Thank you.”

Borussia Mönchengladbach

A cloning machine for Rocco Reitz, and a return to top form/ fitness for Florian Neuhaus are all the Foals need. Wishing ill on Jonas Hofmann, or for Köln to be relegated just wouldn’t be in the spirit of Christmas. But then again……

Werder Bremen

“Can we stop calling it the Wohninvest Stadion please, thank you and a bit of breathing room over the bottom teams would be nice”. A healthy Marvin Ducksch and long contract for Mitchell Weiser would be a bonus. Any chance of Naby Keita actually getting over his copious injuries? 

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VfL Bochum

Just forget about gifting that shampoo and conditioner gift set to coach Thomas Letsch for obvious reasons. You’d be better off with a buffering sponge and can of polish. Bundesliga survival again would also go down nicely. 

Union Berlin

Just for things to go back to where they were would be the simple Christmas wish for everyone concerned with Union Berlin. Urs Fischer back, Union’s fairy tale rise to continue and this whole business of fighting the drop to just go away. 

Mainz

A win. Three points. A Bundesliga victory- they don’t really care how, or against who. Mainz notched up just the solitary win in the Hinrunde and that is why they are joint bottom of the table. 

The real Ludovic Ajorque back would be appreciated- you know, the one who stormed the Bundesliga on arriving last January. And maybe a ‘hands off’ sign that we can hang around the neck of Brajan Gruda to stop clubs sniffing around. 

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Köln

A new trainer and a lifting of the CAS transfer embargo would be the festive wishes for the Billy Goats over the festive period. A simple, step-by-step guidebook for the forwards to be able to find the back of the net wouldn’t go amiss. What’s Anthony Modeste doing these days? 

Darmstadt

A crowbar to prise themselves off themselves off the bottom of the Bundesliga table would be handy. If not a boost of confidence and a run of positive results in the New Year. A few less red cards wouldn’t go amiss with the Lilien already having received four this season. 

What they really want is simple- Klassenerhalt.

About Mathew Burt 1053 Articles
Former writer at Goal.com and JustFootball, I've been doing my thing for Bundesliga Fanatic since 2015. A long-suffering Werder Bremen fan and disciple of the Germanic holy trinity...Bier. Wurst und Fußball